How many of you have every found yourself in a room, situation, or place where you really didn’t feel like you FIT IN? I have both my hands raised with you. I have experienced this on a number of occasions growing up and found myself saying, ‘I know I said I want to be unique, however I also want to fit in.” How do I do both?
One day I was feeling like a total mis-FIT. It had been years, since that feeling came across my thinking. My MIND, picked right back up on a really old habit – a belief that I just didn’t ‘FIT IN’ and I need to just embrace the reality. I thought I had grown past this thinking, however this time it was different than years earlier, I knew better. I found myself trying to convince myself that I do ‘FIT IN’, and then I caught the rest of my thought, ‘when I want to’. Ah, yes, when I want to.
So what was the real issue? This question triggered an instant coaching session between my curious mind and my embedded beliefs.
The following three questions were the keys to transforming my belief about FITTING IN
1. Why don’t I want to ‘FIT IN’?
This is not the question I meant to ask myself, yet being fully present in the moment, it was absolutely the perfect question. It wasn’t a matter of did I fit in, I can fit in whenever I choose to. The question was a matter of desire.
What I was really saying to myself was, I don’t want to fit in here for some reason. I knew if I chose to find a connecting point, a common ground I could find it. I had decided this group didn’t align with one of three very important elements of my life , the life I intentionally designed to live:
- My Vision
- My Purpose
- My Core Values
The next question helped me understand the mis-fit.
2..Where do I want to ‘FIT IN’?
As I asked myself this question I started describing the kind of people I wanted to be around. I found myself describing the mindset of the people, more psychographic then typical demographic of age, gender, occupation, economic status. I envisioned the atmosphere, the feeling of being with these people, their motivation to serve others. I realized there was something unique about the people, the culture, the atmosphere, and the space. I was gathering insight about what I wanted my tribe, cause, and space to be.
- Tribe – The people you want to hang with
- Cause – The people you want to serve
- Space – The atmosphere you will create
At the end of the day this all came to the core question.
3. What will I stand for when I am “FITTING IN” or what will I stand for when I choose to stand withOUT?
The final question helped me to see that wherever I am, as long as I am consistently me, I ‘FIT IN’. When I decide to be intentionally and authentically me, I will be a perfect fit. It is only when I tried to be what I thought I needed to be to ‘FIT IN’ that I found I didn’t ‘FIT IN’. It was never about me fitting in with people, the fit or misfit was with me fitting into my own skin. I didn’t fit into ME, because I was trying to be someone else in my skin instead of being intentionally me. It was at this moment that I was free to be me, authentically, uniquely me.
The 3 Steps To always ‘FITTING IN’:
STEP 1: Design your ideal life, the one where you desire to FIT IN ; Vision ( Your Tribe, your cause, your space), your Purpose, and your personal Core Values
STEP 2: Ask yourself, will fitting in here, with these people, serving this cause within this culture align with and advance me closer to my ideal life?
If Yes, then ‘FIT IN’. If no, than you ‘FIT IN’ better by being withOUT this alignment.
STEP 3: Be free to be who you were created to be and you will always ‘FIT IN’ as YOU, your greatest authentic YOU.
What are you trying to ‘FIT IN’to your skin that is not authentically you?